LEADER • The classic role of women as housewives responsible for children, food, laundry, and cleaning has long been opposed by the feminist movement as outdated and unequal. But in a recent survey, the traditional female ideal is once again honored – the mother at the stove is described as society’s most important project leader, at least during the holiday season. However, there is still some discomfort among the professionals who feel compelled to downgrade these women’s choices and even their ability to think.

For a change, women have been listened to, instead of being told from above how a woman should be in order to be considered equal, successful, and happy. It turns out that three out of four mothers with children at home see themselves as the main project leaders of the holiday season.

This is according to a recent survey conducted by the opinion institute Novus on behalf of the TCO labor union, in which the classic female role is highlighted as crucial for society and the well-being of the people. Over the past 50 years, the home has otherwise been portrayed as a trap for women, who are either oppressed victims of the male-dominated society or as the quislings of feminism.

During the holiday season, it is more difficult than usual for feminist opinion-makers to downgrade the home and the tasks traditionally assigned to women. Despite massive influence campaigns from a feminist perspective, the majority of women see cooking a good Christmas meal and decorating the home for Christmas as a responsible and important project leadership role.

In the current survey, which includes over a thousand people, 75 percent of the women surveyed in families with children proudly see themselves as the main project leaders of the holiday season. Only 17 percent of men want to take credit for holding the same honorable title.

Good but at the same time bad

At TCO, they are dissatisfied with the outcome of the survey and want to reinterpret the answers as a sign that Swedish society still has a long way to go to achieve equality. According to them, this will only happen when an equal number of men and women make the same life choices. Having the same opportunities but making slightly different choices when free will prevails is not enough.

At the left-leaning trade union, they realize that the survey can be perceived as women not only seeing the role of housewife as responsible and important during the holiday season, but also viewing themselves in the same way throughout the year. TCO’s chairperson, Therese Svanström, does not think this is good.

Choosing home and children over scrubbing stairs, working in the supermarket checkout, or working as a nursing assistant is always the inferior option for a woman, she argues. Therefore, TCO has developed a series of reforms to force the equality in outcomes that they have not been able to achieve voluntarily.

“The work to increase equality has stalled. We need to step up the pace of discussing both norms and reforms,” Therese Svanström asserts.

Among other things, TCO believes that it is time for increased coercion and state guardianship in parental leave. If women choose to stay at home with the children more than men, a third of the parental leave and parental allowance should be frozen.

It is still more common for mothers to take more parental leave when the children are young and for fathers to do so when the children are a little older. TCO also sees an opportunity for political control here. If fathers do not take all their days before the child turns three, they should be considered forfeited and cannot be saved, they argue.

Praising and devaluing at the same time

The survey is commented on in opinion pieces on, among other places, Dagens PS. The site’s female financial commentator, Matilda Habbe, interprets the survey as showing that Swedish men believe that the Christmas food cooks itself and do not appreciate their wives’ efforts to make Christmas the holiday that the whole family appreciates.

Based on the premise of not being appreciated, Habbe concludes that women’s greater responsibility for the physical household work negatively affects their independence and societal participation.

Referring to what Habbe elevates to “research,” she argues that the situation for women is even worse than previously thought. Over 70 percent of the responsibility for the household’s “mental workload” falls on housewives. While housewives who take care of Christmas are praised, what they do, their life choices, and their brains are also devalued.

“It’s about keeping track of when the children need new shoes, who should receive Christmas presents, and who has a birthday when,” she exemplifies. Other physical and mental household tasks that more often fall on the man and the father in the family are not mentioned. This could include things like hiring a craftsman or doing the job oneself when the bathroom needs to be tiled, the boiler needs to be replaced, or managing the mortgages.

Unique to women and something that men are spared from is the “mental burden” of ensuring that everything in the home functions and runs smoothly, which “can have consequences” and “saps energy,” according to Habbe. She refers to “researcher” Ana Catalano Weeks, who claims that the work women do is “invisible” – if they stopped doing it, no one would notice any difference. For example, Christmas would look exactly the same without a set Christmas table.

According to Habbe and her sources, it is only women who “feel guilt and shame” if something in the juggling of life’s puzzle fails. She mentions, for example, “forgetting to pack the right things for the children’s school day.” Even in homes where this task is the father’s, the mother takes on the blame for any failure. This is because, according to Habbe, men do not have the mental capacity to feel shame and guilt.

With the same evidence, Habbe argues that the mental burden that women suffer from affects them regardless of whether there is any real burden or not: “even the most privileged families, who can hire someone to perform various household chores.” The effort to manage the people who have been hired to perform household chores can be overwhelming.

Men do not escape their oppressive role just because they bring in so much money to the family that they can relieve their wives of the practical aspects of taking care of the home and children. This also applies during the holiday season. “The magic of Christmas happens at the expense of women,” Habbe concludes, even for women who do not need to lift a finger to do the practical work.

“During Christmas, this invisible work becomes even more intense. Making everything work requires additional lists, responsibilities, and mental effort – something that adds further pressure to an already overwhelming workload,” she writes. Thinking is not women’s strong suit, and it is more laborious for them than for men, who, according to Habbe’s analysis, do not suffer from the same mental overload if they are forced to do a little thinking.

Clearly, 75 percent of housewives out there do not share the views of TCO chairperson Therese Svanström or Dagens PS commentator Matilda Habbe on how they should view the work they do, both in everyday life and during the holiday season, or the limited ability for mental work they are capable of.